God Runs His Business a Lot Like Chris Brown

If you’re going to be a commercial pilot you have to begin by learning how to fly an airplane. You have to learn the basics of flying first. After that you can worry about licensing, logging hours and getting a job.

How we begin is important in our spiritual lives as well. The Bible tells us that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” Our generation doesn’t talk much about fearing God. We like to emphasize God’s love, forgiveness and mercy. But fearing God does not mean being scared out of our wits. Rather, it means respectful obedience. It means that we take God very seriously and do what he wants. It’s the foundation of wisdom.

Fearing God means respecting him, trusting him, believing in him and obeying him. If we forget to fear the Lord, sooner or later we’re bound to crash!

Bound to crash?? WTF? Did this guy just make a threat toward us backed by the power of god?? What a dick. And wait a minute! A contradiction in the bible?? Unheard of.

Did you get the message everyone? Be well, clean and do good even though i created you sick in filth as a dirty sinner. Believe in me, even though there's no proof. Fear me, even though I'm eternal love. Love me, even though I'm threatening you with eternal torture.

Chris Brown saying "sex me now, or have your face meet the business end of my fist" approves.

It's Dangerous To Go About Your Life Assuming Zeus Won't Punish You For Eternity

Our lives are based on assumptions. I remember a conversation between a Christian and an atheist. The Christian assumed that the Bible was true, and that he would go to heaven when he died. The atheist assumed that the Bible wasn’t true, and that when you’re dead, you’re dead.

Finally, the atheist said, “So, what happens if you live your Christian life and at the end of it you discover that I was right and you were wrong?”

The Christian replied, “I will have lived a good life and I will die.”

Then the Christian asked, “But, what if I’m right and you’re wrong?”

The atheist thought for a moment before saying, “Then I will have made the worst possible mistake of all of eternity.”

Our assumptions shape our thinking about everything in life. But if our assumptions are wrong – the results are eternal.

Nope. Wrong. Atheists have already answered Pascal's Wager probably a million times over in an hundred different ways, but apparently it still has no affect on people regurgitating it over and over and over like they discovered the human genome or something. HaHA! Checkmate Atheist!

Off the top of my head, here are just a few answers that an actual atheist would have responded to "What if the Christian is right and you're wrong?" none of which include "Then I will have made the worst possible mistake of all eternity." ...

1. What if we're both wrong, and Muslims are right? There's aren't just 2 choices here. And further, if Muslims are right, I believe Allah would be even even more angry at your false-god Jesus love, that he would an atheist's disinterest in the whole thing.

2. Assuming the bible is true takes faith. You don't have to believe anything on insufficient evidence to assume the bible isn't true.

3. Belief is not directly subject to the will. I can't just self-induce myself into theistic belief. Thus, if i got up to the pearly gates, i imagine a true god would be aware i was just pretending to believe, and pretty unimpressed by this.

Prepare Your Mind By Closing It Off

A common report from police officers, fire fighters and soldiers is that they survived an unexpected attack because their earlier training “kicked in.” I remember a TV interview with a soldier who said, "I was too scared to think. I just did what they trained me to do and it worked."

This is true in our spiritual lives as well. In fact, the Bible instructs us, “Prepare your minds for action.”

That means anticipating the dangers or temptations that are apt to come our way and imagining in advance how we will respond.

Think about your values – what you believe in. Think through what it means to be faithful to God, to be honest, to avoid sexual temptation. The key point is to prepare in advance! Become spiritually strong before troubles arrive. Otherwise it may be too late.

The bible says "Prepare your mind for action" ... Let me translate here. By "action" the bible means learning. But it doesn't mean "prepare your mind for learning." It means "prepare your mind for encountering the danger of learning." The problem is Christianity already claims to have all the answers for everything. So the religious totally hate it when science goes around solving things with real evidence and reason that they pretended to already give you the answer for. Thus Christianity is kind of counting on you to close your mind off to new things prepare your mind for action.

Notice the random attack on sex once again as well... Awesome. Shame people about their human sexuality over and over.

I'd definitely suggest waiting until marriage for sex. That way you have a much greater chance of spending the rest of your life with someone you're sexually incompatible with. But that's just as well, since you should probably only have sex to procreate anyway. You can wait until heaven to experience pleasure. And god knows that there's no sex in heaven ... so there must be something even better than sex there. Maybe it's those chocolate strawberry crostatas from D'Amico & Sons? I'm not sure though, that's just a guess.

God Employs Manchurian Candidates

Caesar Augustus was the first Roman emperor. He was a powerful military leader who united the empire, built roads and cities and was a patron of the arts. When Caesar Augustus called for a census for tax purposes, it was his decree that set the circumstances for the birth of Jesus. If it were not for his census, there would be no birth in Bethlehem, no shepherds or so many of the things we associate with the Christmas story. Augustus knew nothing about Jesus, but his decree set the stage for Jesus’ birth.

It impresses me that God often accomplishes his purposes through people who don’t even know it. Today God still uses the decisions of famous and powerful leaders to accomplish his great purposes in history - even if those leaders know nothing of Jesus.

So Caesar, the guy that led an empire that believed in Jupiter and Apollo for centuries, laid the groundwork for Jesus? Makes perfect sense. By the way, no one ever came along and confirmed "Greek and Roman gods are dead and this jesus stuff is the truth now." Jesus essentially has the same credence as Roman myths.

It is pretty impressive what god was able to accomplish through people like Adolf Hitler. Once we die and get up to heaven, I'm sure God has a brilliant explanation for the holocaust. Right now we just don't understand because his "ways are higher than our understanding."

Life Is Infinitely Valuable... If You Make The Cut

There’s much debate in America about the value of life. Issues such as capital punishment, abortion and euthanasia arouse great emotion. As the world’s population grows, many consider life to be not very valuable at all.

But that’s completely contrary to the way Jesus viewed people. Jesus considered every individual to be valuable. Whenever Jesus looked at another person, he saw the likeness of God in them.

When you’re old enough to have friends with grown children, it can be rather startling to meet those children and see the strong resemblance to their parents. It’s like you already know them. That’s what it’s like to see the likeness of God in other people. We’re to value every human being as a special creation in the image of God and to consider each person as someone of infinite worth.

I'm not so sure, how valuable can life really be to someone who can just rise from the dead whenever they feel like it anyway?

It's pretty obvious god's a huge fan of the practice of capital punishment if you read his book. And with his obsession with miscarriages, God aborts more in-womb beating hearts than every doctor ever.

I'm sure there's some twisted counter-argument, but on pure logical thought, the very belief of Christianity significantly devalues human earthly life. Since we either spend eternity in either heaven or hell... life is simply an infinitesimal blip as a means to arrive at one of those 2 places.

So under this cult of belief, you're of infinite worth to god in the sense that you spend eternity with him (assuming you pass his earth test). But beyond the test part, your human life is pretty much worth jack shit. And Jack just left town.

God's A Rental Car Company

Fender benders are one of life’s annoyances. Not the least of the frustrations is how to get around while your car is being repaired. I remember a time when it happened to me and a friend graciously offered me the use of his car while he was on vacation. I gratefully accepted, not minding that his car happened to be a brand new Porsche! It was a great car and I loved driving it. But, you know, I treated that Porsche differently because it wasn’t mine. I drove more carefully. I think I even enjoyed it more because I knew I would have to give it back.

And that’s how we should treat all of our possessions. We should believe that everything we have belongs to God. It may be ours to use for awhile, but whenever he wants it back, it’s his to claim. It’s an attitude that helps keep our wealth (or lack of it) in perspective.

A Porsche! What an evil asshole this guy is! Why the fuck was he spending so much time chasing dollar signs where he could afford a Porsche instead of praising and seeking god?

And why didn't your dumb ass drive more carefully and pretend your car "was god's possession" in the first place? God's gonna be pretty pissed when he gets that car back from you and checks the CARFAX report and finds a Salvage Title. Tread carefully my friend! I've read some things in the bible where god gets pretty mean and petty, and it was over a lot less than wrecking his car he loaned you.

Mo Money, Mo Problems

When a reporter asked billionaire John D. Rockefeller, “How much money is enough?” he answered, “A little bit more.”

Everywhere we go, we get the message that our worth as persons is defined in terms of our wealth. But listen to what Jesus taught, “I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.…It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

We live in a time of great affluence – when it’s all too easy to put our trust in our wealth rather than in God. Our standard of living is amazing compared to that of much of the world. But, wealth itself isn’t the problem; it’s the importance we give it. Trusting in our wealth is a tragic mistake.

After all, wealth is temporary, but heaven is forever!

Now this is some real shit, even for this guy. GREAT fucking message. I just love when religion tells you to marginalize your life and lives of others on earth because "the party doesn't really start until after you die."

So yeah... don't try to make money and provide for your kids, just put your trust in god... he'll feed your kids...By the way, your kids like rainwater and dandelions right? Eat up kids! Yummers!

And what the hell is this shit?:

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.
- Matthew 19:24

Orrrr?

Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord... Wealth and riches shall be in his house...
- Psalms 112:1-3

Thanks for nothing once again bible.

Spend Time With Your Kids Because God Said So

If I were asked to sum up advice to new parents in three words or less, I would say, “Savor the moment.” Remember not to take for granted the joy of cradling that little baby in your arms – even if it’s the middle of the night! Take delight in those first toddling steps. Give priority to attending your child’s games and events. Count these moments as gifts from God to be savored.

Susanna Wesley, an eighteenth century mother, had nineteen children. One of her biographers tells that she made it a point to spend one hour each week alone with each of her children. What an overwhelming task that must have been with all the demands placed upon her by such a huge family. But Susanna Wesley understood the priority of investing in and delighting in her children. She savored the moment!

Newsflash: You don't have to believe anything on insufficient evidence to enjoy the time you spend with your kids. In fact, I'd suggest skipping church on Sunday's and instead find a fun activity you enjoy with your kids. That will create a much stronger bond with them than reading and singing from books of Iron Age barbarism.

Also it's too bad Susanna couldn't mix in some birth control. Unless it was for the purpose of employing an entire staff on their 18th century farm, I'm going to go ahead and saying birthing 19 children is it's own form of child abuse. If you only spent one hour a week with a kid under your custody in today's laws, Child Protective Services would arrest your ass.

Praying ... an epic time-waster

We get angry when we read in the newspaper about criminals getting off on some legal technicality. Perhaps the evidence wasn’t gathered correctly or some fine point of the law wasn’t met and the criminal was released. Not because he was innocent, but because of a technicality.

Sometimes we fear that we may approach God with a need in our life only to have our prayers rejected on a technicality. We worry that our prayers might not fit the prescribed formula because we are unaware of how the Bible instructs us to pray. We think God might say, “Sorry, on that technicality I’m throwing out your prayer.”

But let me assure you. He’s not that kind of God. He’s a God who is ready and waiting for us to come to him; a God who is anxious to listen and predisposed in our direction. He won’t get hung up on the technicalities.

I agree. Don't get hung up on worrying about your prayer getting hung up on technicalities. Instead i'd worry a lot more about the fact that your wasting your time praying to someone who doesn't exist.

I don't know quite how to put this... but there is no god that answers prayers. This is actually a measurable thing. They've done it hospitals. They had whole groups of people pray for certain people and not others with similar conditions. Shockingly, the prayers had zero noticeable effects.

Don't Take Credit For Your Own Hard Work Or Success

How a person handles success teaches us a lot about that person. Are you familiar with the Bible story where Jesus fed five thousand people with the lunch of one small boy? His miracle made him the center of attention and the talk of the town.

So what did Jesus do to celebrate his success? He went off alone to a mountainside to pray. Now, please don’t misunderstand. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy the praise of the people; it was just that God was most important to him and he wanted to give the glory to God. Whenever we experience great success we naturally want to share that success with whoever is most important to us.

The next time you have something to celebrate—it might be a promotion; a new baby or winning a championship—do what Jesus did. First, give God the glory.

Where's this god at now? Africa could really use one of those Jesus-Super-Happy Meals right about now. What's that god? You're going to let them spread AIDS and malaria and starve to death instead? OK... cool... it's your plan.

I'm so glad i have a brain and the ability to reason. If i subscribed to this Jesus nonsense, i'd have to spend half my time thanking god every time something good happened, and then the other half of my time praying for better things every time something bad happened.

I'm also glad i heard this today, it's a good reminder. When my child is born, i'll be sure to sprint out of the delivery room, and find a quiet corner in the hospital to praise an imaginary, invisible presence. I mean it would be nice to share that moment with my wife, whom i could actually see and converse with about how awesome it is... but god was first in line and needs his glory i guess.